If you’re lucky enough to be owned by a bulldog (let’s face it, they own us, not the other way around), you’ll find yourself saying some pretty hilarious things on a daily basis. From dealing with their unique physiological quirks to marveling at their stubborn yet endearing nature, bulldog owners share a special language all their own. So, grab a seat, maybe a towel to wipe up some drool, and let’s dive into the 10 hilariously true things all bulldog owners say!
1: “Is that a snore or an earthquake?”
Picture this: It’s the middle of the night, and you’re jolted awake by what sounds like a freight train barreling through your bedroom. But fear not! It’s just your beloved bulldog, sawing logs loud enough to wake the dead. Bulldog owners quickly become accustomed to the symphony of snores that emanate from their four-legged friends. These pups can produce an impressive range of sounds, from gentle wheezes to full-on foghorn blasts. You might find yourself wondering if your house is built on a fault line or if your bulldog has somehow swallowed a chainsaw.
The truth is, their adorably smushed faces and short snouts make them prone to some serious snoring. It’s not uncommon for bulldog owners to invest in earplugs or noise-canceling headphones just to get a good night’s sleep. But let’s be honest, we wouldn’t have it any other way. There’s something oddly comforting about falling asleep to the rhythmic rumbles of your furry snore machine.
2: “I swear, she thinks she’s a lap dog!”
One of the most endearing (and sometimes painful) traits of bulldogs is their firm belief that they are, in fact, tiny lap dogs. Never mind that they can weigh upwards of 50 pounds and have the build of a small tank – in their minds, they’re still that little puppy who could curl up comfortably on your lap. Bulldog owners often find themselves trapped under their hefty pooches, trying to breathe while their legs slowly go numb.
You might hear them exclaim, “Buddy, you’re not exactly a Chihuahua!” as their bulldog attempts to squeeze onto an already occupied armchair. But who can resist those pleading eyes and that adorable underbite? Before you know it, you’re adjusting your position to accommodate your “lap dog,” even if it means sacrificing circulation to your lower extremities.
3: “No, that’s not drool on my pants. It’s… bulldog kisses!”
Ah, the joys of bulldog ownership – where every piece of clothing becomes a potential drool rag. Bulldogs are notorious for their impressive saliva production, and they’re not shy about sharing it with the world. As a bulldog owner, you quickly learn to embrace the slobber as a sign of affection. You might find yourself explaining to coworkers or dates why your pants look like you’ve been caught in a rainstorm from the knees down. “Oh, this? It’s just bulldog kisses!” becomes your go-to excuse.
You’ll even start to see the artistic value in the abstract drool patterns on your furniture and walls. Who needs a Pollock when you have a bulldog? Bulldog owners become experts at strategic towel placement and develop lightning-fast reflexes to intercept flying drool strings. It’s all part of the charm, right?
4: “I’m not cleaning the wrinkles, I’m panning for gold!”
One of the unique joys of bulldog ownership is the daily ritual of wrinkle cleaning. Those adorable folds that give bulldogs their characteristic look also serve as excellent hiding spots for all sorts of interesting… substances.
Bulldog owners often find themselves elbow-deep in wrinkles, armed with cotton swabs and wipes, on a treasure hunt of sorts. You might hear a bulldog owner exclaim, “Wow, I think I just found last week’s dinner in here!” or “I swear, I could start a penny collection with what I find in these wrinkles!” It’s a dirty job, but somebody’s got to do it. And let’s be honest, there’s a certain satisfaction in seeing those wrinkles go from grimy to gleaming. Just be prepared for the occasional sneeze mid-cleaning session – it’s like hitting the jackpot in the most disgusting way possible!
5: “She’s not fat, she’s just… horizontally gifted!”
Bulldogs are not exactly known for their svelte figures. With their stocky builds and penchant for lounging, they can sometimes resemble furry coffee tables more than dogs. But don’t you dare call a bulldog fat in front of their owner! We prefer terms like “horizontally gifted,” “gravitationally challenged,” or “fluffily proportioned.”
You might hear bulldog owners defending their pup’s physique with statements like, “He’s not overweight, he’s just preparing for hibernation… all year round.” Or, “She’s not lazy, she’s just conserving energy for when she really needs it… like when the treat bag rustles.” The truth is, we love our bulldogs just the way they are – rolls, wrinkles, and all. Besides, who needs a sleek, athletic dog when you can have a cuddly, snoring potato instead?
6: “Oh, that smell? That’s just her natural perfume!”
Let’s face it: bulldogs are not known for their fresh, floral scent. These lovable lugs can produce some truly impressive odors, ranging from mildly funky to downright eye-watering. Bulldog owners quickly become desensitized to the unique bouquet of their four-legged friends, often referring to it as their dog’s “natural perfume” or “signature scent.”
You might hear bulldog owners making excuses like, “Oh, don’t mind the smell. She’s just fermenting!” or “I think he’s trying to develop his own line of cologne.” The truth is, between the gas, the drool, and the various odors that get trapped in those adorable wrinkles, bulldogs are a veritable potpourri of interesting scents. But hey, at least you’ll never have to worry about home intruders – one whiff of your bulldog’s “perfume,” and they’ll be running for the hills!
7: “She’s not being stubborn, she’s just… independently minded!”
If there’s one thing bulldogs are famous for (besides their looks and snoring), it’s their stubborn streak. These dogs have a mind of their own and aren’t afraid to use it. Bulldog owners often find themselves in comical standoffs with their pups, trying to convince them to do… well, anything the bulldog doesn’t want to do.
You’ll often hear bulldog owners reframing their dog’s obstinance with phrases like, “He’s not being difficult, he’s just exercising his right to civil disobedience!” or “She’s not ignoring me, she’s practicing selective hearing.” Whether it’s refusing to budge from a comfy spot or deciding that the middle of a walk is the perfect time to plop down and take a break, bulldogs excel at doing things their way. But let’s be honest, we wouldn’t have it any other way. Their stubbornness is just part of their charm… right?
8: “I’m not spoiling her, I’m providing life essentials!”
Bulldog owners are notorious for pampering their pooches. From designer beds to gourmet treats, nothing is too good for our wrinkly companions. But don’t accuse us of spoiling them – we’re simply providing for their “essential needs.” You might hear a bulldog owner justifying their latest pet store splurge with statements like, “The heated massage bed? Oh, that’s for his arthritis… which he might develop someday.” Or, “The gourmet, organic, hand-prepared meals?
Well, you can’t expect her to eat just anything!” The line between necessity and luxury becomes blurry when it comes to our bulldogs. After all, doesn’t every dog need a seasonal wardrobe and a personal fan for those hot summer days? In the world of bulldog ownership, extravagance is just another word for love.
9: “She’s not clumsy, she’s… gracefully challenged!”
Bulldogs are many things, but graceful is not usually one of them. With their low center of gravity and top-heavy build, these dogs can turn the simplest activities into slapstick comedy routines. Bulldog owners often find themselves stifling laughter (or failing to do so) as their pups stumble, bumble, and tumble their way through life.
You might hear owners describing their bulldog’s latest misadventure with phrases like, “He’s not falling, he’s practicing his interpretive dance moves!” or “She’s not clumsy, she’s just testing the laws of physics!” Whether it’s face-planting after an ambitious jump or rolling off the couch in their sleep, bulldogs have a special talent for turning everyday moments into comedic gold. But let’s be honest, their clumsiness just makes them all the more endearing.
10: “I don’t have dog hair on my clothes, it’s a bulldog-inspired fashion statement!”
Last but not least, let’s talk about the ever-present bulldog hair. Despite their short coats, bulldogs can shed an impressive amount, leaving a trail of fur in their wake. Bulldog owners quickly learn to embrace the fur as a part of their daily lives and wardrobes. You’ll often hear bulldog parents making light of their fur-covered existence with quips like, “I’m not covered in dog hair, I’m wearing a bulldog-inspired fur coat!” or “Who needs lint rollers when you can start a new fashion trend?” From furry furniture to hairy meals, bulldog owners become accustomed to finding dog hair in the most unexpected places. But hey, at least we save money on sweaters, right? Our bulldogs keep us warm with their endless supply of shed fur.
